Alight, so it's been close to a full year since I wrote on this blog or even edited this website, which was not the intention. It's been a bit of a whirlwind year, so let's do a quick rundown of what the hell has been going on:
January - March 2015: Depression Sets In
So at this point last year, I was completing my internship with Good Thing, a small studio working out of Brooklyn focused on small objects and furniture. They were great people and were awesome to work with, but I hit a point in my time there where I realized I wasn't as passionate about furniture design as I wanted to be. Call it an awakening, call it whatever you want, but I wasn't too happy with where I was. So I quit the internship in February and moved back home to DC to figure things out. I hadn't lived at home in well over a year since I graduated, so this move came with a lot of uncertainty on my end. It was about finding my focus, but in reality I went home broke and unknowing of what was coming next. I sunk into a very rough depression (not to mention it was snowing every day I was home) with loneliness to boot. I was beginning to lose sight of what I wanted to do.
April - August 2015: The Hustle
Thankfully by April, I found an opportunity with Kinfolk, a creative hydra of sorts. I ended up moving back to NYC with only $500 and a bag of clothes and subletted from apartment to apartment for the next five months. This time of my life was, interesting, to say the least. I had never been in a situation where I was on my own and had to worry about where I would live and what i would eat from week to week. I wasn't making much money (definitely not enough to pay rent and eat) and a lot of my time revolved around a job five days a week where I wasn't getting paid much. It taught me lessons about myself and I found a lot of confidence in this time of uncertainty. Regardless, it wasn't enough time for me to work on creative projects and give this site the time it deserved. But I worked and worked, ate when I could, moved where I could, and kept pushing.
It eventually paid off. I became a salaried employee, and moved into my current apartment. A lot of my worries were alleviated. Social life became more pronounced and I was feeling good, like the world was my oyster. I finally felt like I made it in New York.
September - December 2015: Where to now?
Normally if things are going a little too well, a humbling eventually comes around the corner to help you remember not everything that glitters is gold, and not anything in life is perfect. For me this came right after Thanksgiving. Things were going great for me in the autumn, work was picking up, money wasn't tight anymore, and I was feeling good. I was thankful and beginning to flesh out what was next for me and what I wanted to pursue. I went home for the first holiday happy and feeling good about what was coming in December and hoping to get more active in my role.
Instead, I came back and was laid off first day back in the office. It honestly hurt me a lot to have that happen, because I felt like things were finally coming together in my life. I had moved from Los Angeles a year previous and was lost, y'know? I cried from an anxiety attack I had the day I made it back to the east coast, I slept on a friend's couch for four months, I hustled and sacrificed and it felt like I had nothing to show for it. I finally got the job I wanted after telling family members and friends I was going to do my own thing despite their encouragement to do something more traditional with my life. My uncle thought it was stupid of me to leave Los Angeles, my mother thought it was stupid of me to move back to NYC with nothing to my name, my friends thought I should just stay put and figure it all out. But I worked for it and was successful, and to lose my job felt like I was hopeless, even if it wasn't my fault.
So in December I kind of spiraled back into my depression. I didn't want to leave the apartment, I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't sleep, I barely answered the phone. I just wanted to be alone and unbothered, which wasn't healthy. It all kind of took a psychological toll on me and who I was. It's hard not to blame yourself for things you have no control over. But I went home for Christmas and New Year's, and I saw a lot of the people who had inspired me to be great and suppressed the negativity in my life. I felt rejuvenated and better rested, and I got my mind right.
January 2016: Here We Are
So now here we are, a year removed from me making this site and I feel like I haven't done it justice. I'm fixing it with the hope it better captures me, not just the design and accomplishments but the highs and lows and thoughts I'm having with my ideas and desires for my life. I'm in a good headspace again, and I'm confident for the new year things are going to be amazing. I'm a little anxious to bring it together but I can do it.
It's probably a little weird for me post this, but it's a part of this journey I'm on. My journey is just as important to me as every milestone and every idea I have. I hope if you read this you understand where I've been lately and where I'm trying to go soon.
So here is a pledge on my part as time pushes on and I build this site more to my liking: this is my website, and I'm gonna make sure you know it's me.